Cheer Yourself Up

Here is a proven list of things you can do to cheer yourself up if you're feeling down.

1. Answer the home phone with a Swedish accent saying 'Yays?'

2. Phone cold callers - Stop them dead, tell them they sound lovely and ask what they're wearing.

3. Door to door cold callers - If they ask if you're the home owner, say 'Homo what?! you beast!' and slam the door.

4. In a lift - Cling to the wall and whimper like a puppy.

5. In a car - At traffic lights take a small toy character and make it dance along the bottom of the window, but keep a deadly serious face.

6. In a department store - Put on the biggest, girliest, pink fluffy hat you can find, and look for the most attractive sales girl you can. In a deadly serious tone, ask a question about the location of supportive underpants.

7. While sitting waiting for your partner to try something on in a shop, have a conversation with a tiny person in your carrier bag 'Are you okay in there?'.... 'Yeah I know, not long now, mummy needs to feel special too you know'

8. Adjust the underwear on the female mannequins, but look official when you do it.

9. Be noticeably upset when waiting to pay for your parking, but joyous when you've paid - Kiss the ticket and shout Woohoo! then skip back to your car.

10. Buy a Sombrero to wear when someone is upset with you, every time they say something bad say 'Ahhhh Gringo!' until they desist.